Tuesday, April 25, 2017

As seen from the BYB

It's a rainy Anzac day in the nation's capital and not fit for outside riding. So it's exercise bike time which, as it turns out, is not that fun. The saving grace is I watch tellie on the laptop.

Getting outside on a nice day on the BYB is deeply cathartic; you feel stress and fear blown from your body as you sail through the air. 

Occasionally you see some kewl things. 

I have seen:

The autumnal leaves cascading from trees as I rode ala the third act of Excalibur

A shorter, stouter Seth Rogan; and

Julian Assange.

The last one was a shock given his purported self-imprisonment in the embassy of Ecuador but there you have it, walking fancy free in Canberra. 

I hope he doesn't get droned while he's here. 

Sunday, April 23, 2017

Epic Cook Off

I had an Epic Cook Off—in title case so I can intialise to ECO. It was sparked by a casual mention of a topic and it cut straight through my ego defence and I lost it; I had fight AND flight. I ended up crying in the street and it took about an hour to come down from it. 

Fully ghastly. I had to have a couple of drinks and a shower to take the edge off; my top was soaked from rage and scare sweat.  

I loathe that I had an ECO—it's been a while since I had one. But treatment brought up a whole bunch of the sads and the topic lanced through me like one of my sperm splitting an ovum

I'm going to be better about dealing with it and am thinking of ways to meaningfully resolve it. 

Fucking childhood horrors. WHAM! All of a sudden you're back the fuck in it.

Unwellness for no win.

Friday, April 21, 2017

Pringle fights back

A shard slipped between my top front teeth and sliced into the webbing of my gum. It fucking hurt. I had to douse the shard in pepsi to remove it.

I don't like food that fights back.

Did not freak

I have PTSD and one of my triggers is loud and unpleasant noises.

There's tree lopping happening. The noise is monstrous. I stood outside the shed and bathed in it, getting used to it, until I'd had enough then calmly got earphones and distanced myself. My tolerance for this audio shit has increased; it is not forcing me to flee. I have protection on but can still discern it but the discernment is not causing the trigger to pull.

I am astounded at what I can cope with now. Past me would have fled gibbering up the street. Now me is having coffee and is about to eat some hot cross buns.

Recovery progress for the win.

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

Big helicopter

Me---"I may be a big person with big problems but at least I have a big helicopter!"

theboy---"You don't have a helicopter."

Me---"True."

Monday, April 17, 2017

BYB to the outer limits

thewife fixed the gears so I took the BYB for a super ride. I went to a part of town I've never been to and followed a path to see where it ended; puffing lightly as the bike and I forged up a hill.

The path ended at the literal edge of town, in a paddock with the freeway a short way away. I furtled back, zipping through yet more streets I have never been in before. 

Then I got some Pringles for the chickens. Because I love them and I love feeding them Pringles.

The BYB; exercise now featuring actual fun.

WFTW.

Sunday, April 16, 2017

BYB goes deep

The BYB is mostly good---save for the gear chain slipping---and I've been riding it out and about my neighborhood. Today I went out farther than I've been and zipped about places I've only experienced walking or driving.

It was zen; the riding, the breath, the wind and the speed.

BYB is a pleasure machine.

WFTW.

Wednesday, April 12, 2017

Inside and out

I'm suffering abdominal spasms. I can see my stomach ripple ... then moments later my guts ripple as well. 

It is eye watering.

I don't think I had dairy but it's similar to that kind of discomfort.

Rippling guts, inside and out, make it hard to sleep. So I'm distracting myself with a biography of Charles Manson.

He was full of shit and wind, too.

Yet another early morn in bloat land, population me.