Saturday, June 30, 2007

The McDonald's change over from breakie to after breakie

This morning we went to McD to get breakie stuff before breakie ran out. Naturally there was a rush on as about 1000 punters did exactly the same.

Anyhoo whilst there the lunch/dinner menu kicked in. I never, ever thought to wonder how their signs were changed to reflect the different menu. It's on a spindle! They're big triangle fuckers and they just turn them to the relevant list.

Huh!

Totally did not know that.

Anyway, for those of you who do menial time at McDonalds - a shout out. Because fuck me if you didn't look busy and constantly moving like worker ants. Makes my work day look like a brain damaged crippled that's going in his pants in the nice sunny spot by the window.

It's still up!

Right - the Optus connection using the old modem with a new power cable (from what I don't know) is still up and has been for about 6 hours. It's a miracle!

I think it's fixed.

Of course if Optus had replaced out modem like we fucking asked then none of this shit would have ever happened. So even if it was something my end they're still useless fucktards that will be against the wall when the revolution comes*.

*As by chance a copy of a future edition of wikipedia drifted through a wormhole into our time where it indicated that the Optus call centres were first against the wall when the revolution came.


An actually good bank ad

First time I saw it, I pissed myself laughing. Kudos ad people.

Freudian field day

I just realised the last three blog posts talked about being fucked and/or gay sex. For you armchair psychs out there what does this mean?

I rate a 1.5 on the Kinsey Scale I believe from memory (did one of those internet quiz thingies) if that helps.

Shemales should come with a protective strip or something

When surfing the net, whether intentional or not, you can come across porn sites. And if you're lucky this doesn't happen at work because you will be out the door under escort with your Pickford's box by the end of the week if you don't call up IT and say 'whoops - hit porno.'

Eg. If you google "Harrangueman" you will get a porno site for some reason as one of the links.

For those porn sites that serve as post boxes for certain niche interests such as insertables, comix, fancy shmancy lingerie etc some of these will have a pic representing that niche on the menu page.

But please. The shemale pic? Put some clothes on. Or, at the very least a 'I am a Shoplifter' black strip across the massive package these sexually experimenting false boob inserted blokes tend to have.

At least the gay pic generally just has some lantern jawed Harlequin romance novel sans clothes shot on it. Yes, perhaps pulling himself. But I can hack that. It's just ... the Shemale thing I can't.

I am broad minded. I am. Each to their own and all that. But ... at least in the Porn equiv of the yellow pages just put some fucking pants on and have a suggestive bulge instead, please. Hell have it so a cursor hovering over it will take the pants off - I don't care. Just not so up front and in my face.

(Another big shout out to people who get off on stuff I don't)

PS How kewl is Firefox 2 for having a spell checker in it now?

One gig of RAM is kewl

Okay just been running it for about 30 mins but a noticeable difference already. All hail the awesome rawk power that is mega-gigage in your RAM slot.

Oh - at the Computer Fair I kept saying a little too loudly 'when we get back home I can't wait for you to crack my box and stuff it in.'

Double entendres with a gay subtext rawk.

I don't know why. They just do.

(A big shout out to my sexually different from me brothers)

They always f/ck you at the drive thru

Our lovely IT friend came around and spent several hours fixing our PC. Turns out having 500 meg of stuff on the desktop doesn't help.

The long and the short of it is our Optus connection seems to be stable. How? The old modem with using a power unit from some other long dead product. Unbelievable. No idea on why the other two kept dropping out, but old Bessie is chugging away.

With the computer fair in town we burled up to Exhibition park and got some more RAM (at 512 it was too slow), and a USB PCI Card because we were running USB devices off some chunky combo power board/hub thing.

The fucking card didn't fucking work. Tried two separate slots and it kept crashing.

First Dick Smith, now some fly by night fairground IT equiv to carnies.

It's just like being fucked by the drive-thru crew.

Bastards.

Anyway, so far so good on the connection (crosses fingers).

PS Yes - Sing Star happened. The irony was the Eurovision repeat was on at the same time.

Alabama Man!

Friday, June 29, 2007

Ah that's better!

I had a long day. All day spent in IT training for a program I've used (various versions of) for 10 years or more.

Still learned stuff.

But all day courses are l-o-o-o-o-o-ng. Your attention span drifts, the presenters - even the good ones - grate on you. And the last two hours seem even longer than the first lot.

All day courses should end at 2 pm I think (personally).

Anyway. I got me a couple of these Smirnoff black labels (well drunk a couple) and now I feel a little buzzed and a lot better. So let's see. That doco on first person shooters last night gave me the wish to play some Call of Duty. Here we go! Weeeeeeee (and so forth).

We have a friend coming down for the weekend. She's kewl as. But she will spend the whole weekend I am sure SingStarring with thewife. So I am going to hide in here!

Take that jerries!

Buuurn - Guy Rundle of Crikey Vs the Right

From yesterday's Crikey

Re. "The left defend failure – and fail to respond" (Tuesday, item 13). When did the right lose it? I’ve been pondering that question for some time, but a series of contributions by dumb right representative Christian Kerr in his unique genre – the rambling spray - brought it back to mind. Three or four years ago, the right pretty much had hegemony over all sorts of debates, gave the appearance of being the natural party of government. Now here, in the US and sections of the UK press they tend to sound like the sort of people you meet in the park, muttering to themselves about UFOs. What happened? You could talk about all sorts of surface effects, but deep down the right lost its connection with a whole middle section of people because it lost its connection with the capacity to reason, and the idea that you step back dispassionately from the world and analyse what the consequences of your actions might be. In effect you reverse the relationship between reality and thought, and come to believe that the latter can change the former if you simply believe in it enough. Iraq and Afghanistan was probably the first of these. Mark Steyn probably set the benchmark for human stupidity on this one when he suggested that the place would be like Delaware or Akron or some such place 12 months after the invasion. To believe that, you really had to think that the West, and America in particular, was not only the final form of civilization, but somehow an expression of innate human nature – that every other cultural system was somehow just a thin crust beneath which there was a fully-formed shopping mall waiting to jump out. The more that failed to come to pass, a rethink might have been in order. Instead, the right started to blame the critics for thinking negative thoughts – the supreme example of magical thinking, whether it’s witches in Salem, Trotsky-fascists in Moscow, or ‘people who want the surge to fail’. It’s the sort of thing four year olds do. The second case was global warming, which even four year olds could understand. Here the right had a full-scale brain conniption – since global warming suggested that there might have to be limits to growth and markets, it had to be rejected out of hand. Though the greens were accused of being a religion, it was the right who clung to every useful statistical shred – real or fabricated – like it was a fragment of the true cross. This more than anything convinced a lot of people that they were less born leaders and more slightly nutty ideologues. Now we’re seeing it again in the debate around the military occupation of the Northern Territory. Rather than coolly debate the move, anyone who suggests that it might make a bad situation worse is charged with, a la Noel Pearson, ‘wanting it to fall’. The insult – that in Kerr’s vicious insinuation, we don’t care about ‘a few boong kids’ – is nasty but immaterial. The important thing is that people want you to leave your brains at the door, because they don’t have the guts to argue it on the issues - their command of the situation is so tenuous that it threatens to come apart at any minute. Yet as Iraq and Afghanistan – which, despite what well known Gilbert and Sullivan character Sir Sherard Cowper-Coles thinks, are pretty much the same – demonstrate, if you don’t think clearly, you can make a situation so open-endedly worse that no one party can even put a stop to chaos. Magical thinking is ultimately self-defeating, because you can’t actually take soundings of realty, and work out what’s changed. Hence the increasingly sub-hysterical tone of the Steyns, Kerrs, Pearsons’, Melanie Phillips’ et al as they desperately fend off the rising waters of the real. Far more importantly, it’s disastrous for the victims – here and across the world – who are prey to their powerful fantasies.

Nothing fights despair so effectively as getting totally pissed

From The Tall Guy

This is still my all time favourite movie. If you haven't seen it then do. Awesome stuff.

'Mr Ron Anderson' (dunt, dunt, dunnunar etc)

Pure gold.

Thursday, June 28, 2007

Noooooooo!

I mistaped and failed to record Dr Who!

Fuck that shits me. I HATE fucking up taping.

Mutter grumble (and so forth)

Was it any good?

The uh-oh we did a bad thing files

The CIA very kindly released this month a 700 page record of the naughty things they did that were bad prior to the 70's. If you don't mind visiting a site that I am sure is scanning your cookie then see here.

Of course it's scanned pics not OCR'ed or anything.

Toilet Business 2

Don't you hate it (this is for lads ladies) when if at a urinal shell you pee so hard that you get splatter back in the form of wee mist that soaks into your shirt and pants?

I really hate that.

A good point

I'm watching an interview with Michael Moore on The Daily Show about Sicko. Moore just made a good point. Along the lines of 'why is health a profit making enterprise? Health for profit makes a profit by denying treatment. We don't ask the fire department to fight less fires to turn a profit.'

We have it so good here in Oz compared to the yanks.

See the interview via TDS website here.

Oh - for the record. I like Michael Moore. I like his passion. I like his sense of humour. I don't like how he sometimes fudges stuff for dramatic or ideological effect. But his heart's in the right place whatever happens.

Well it's in

I pinged off my application today for the job I have been in for the last few years. Ten gn pages of responses to criterion and an eight page CV.

That's probably too much. However my job is very much task focussed and I needed to talk up the good stuff.

Being the public service I won't know how I went, whether anyone else applied, whether I got to interview, whether I get it without having to interview (remote chance but possibility) etc for about four to six weeks.

Yay...

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Toilet business

Why is it some knuckles wedge half a loo roll of paper into the toilet and subsequently block it? What's the purpose in using so much paper? Is there a wiping technique I am unaware of?

♫ ♪ ♫ Mistake! ♫ ♪ ♫

Today just before we went out to get highly inappropriate for IBS food I noticed theWife had a birds nest hairdoo from spending most of the day lying down.

Stupidly I said 'what the fuck is wrong with your hair?!'

In my defence it did need tidying up. But as far as partner errors go mentioning bad hair is a Neddy No.

I immediately defused what could have been an uglier moment by singing ♫ ♪ ♫ Mistake! ♫ ♪ ♫ in a cringing manner - but I did hear about my manifest error for the next 15 minutes.

And rightly so!

Flowbee and Solitaire

Today I was forced to attend an all day meeting. All day meetings are horrible. They are boring, people get tired, and sure enough like fucking Roy Orbison today, some of them talk and talk and fucking talk despite they fact they are talking shit and no one wants them to talk. Roy Orbison? No, not the actual Big O. He's dead - and would be gamy. It was this woman who was wearing Big O sunnies the ENTIRE FUCKING DAY INSIDE THE FUCKING BUILDING and not once took them off.

Two of the people at this all day meeting were people I encountered early on in my PS career. Solitaire was so named cause when the Bevester and I worked in a mail room opposite her office all we ever saw her do was play solitaire. I later ended up working with her a few years later and during an office move had to ask her not to nail a picture to the work station wall as there were live power cables running through it up to the ceiling.

Flowbee is this Canadian import to our org who is actually quite a nice guy. He knows his stuff but he had this habit of giving critical feedback for everything in a positive way, using aussie-isms as he did so. Eg "HM, like this. What I'd like to see you do is place the graphic here - can you do that mate?'. Why flowbee? Remember those late night infomercials with the dude who had combined clippers to his vacuum to give a perfectly symmetrical haircut - that was the flowbee (mocked deservedly as the 'suck cut' in Wayne's World). Flowbee clearly uses one.

Anyway, all day locked in a room with Flowbee, Solitaire, the Big O and a few others - and it sucked. I was chucked the job by my departing boss (as a CV stuffer she said) to attend this regular project meeting about a subject I have no interest in. I don't know how I remained sane.

Oh - and to top it off I called the Bevester on the mobile (who had worked with both Flowbee and Solitaire) to laugh about it and, when I went to the cafe for lunch ... they sat down at my table!

WTF!?!

Unbelievable.

Fuck I hate meetings.

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

E news - the TV equivalent of 2nd hand smoke

As punters who occasionally visit here know I have mixed views on celebrity. Occasionally I like talking about celebs, or reading about them. I don't like the fact however their privacy is killed dead, but at the same time the true fame seekers (like Hilton) I despise.

At home early I happened to catch Entertainment Tonight.

There was some immaculately dressed fucktard pestering a Sheriff outside Hilton's lock up for an update. He said 'I can't say' - which of course is correct.

E news is actually providing a broadcast from the prison each day Hilton is inside, interviewing those who visit her, and asking how she is going and so forth.

Tabloids, goss mags, and anal puckered cockwits like Entertainment Tonight are societal cancer causing agents. They fuel the complete fixation western society has on people whose claim to fame is fame itself.

Of course we purchase said fuel by reading/clicking/watching. But it still shits me. E news is a cancer peddler.

You're far better off watching that PBS show Newshour, even if it is US centric (though it's not on at the same time unfortunately).

Tonight they were debating the supreme court decision on the freedom of speech case known to the world by the slogan that was being portrayed - Bong Hits for Jesus.

I fully laughed when one talking head said 'Of course it all depends on the intent of the statement of Bong Hits for Jesus - was it promoting criminality or was the perpetrator merely trying to get on television? Who knows?'

Gold

Dominos Half 'n' Half

Just tried ordering pizza via online and the stoopid 'unavailable' popped up. Attention Dominos web people - that shits me. As a result I am not going to get your pizza this night.

Anyway - the half'n'half. I noticed in the half'n'half option one of the half options was half'n'half.

I wonder if you could keep selecting it and progressively boost that bad boy up the 2 power scale until you reached a point where you couldn't divide it no more?

Would it be like when the lift doors are open opposite you and you see their mirror reflect yours etc? You know - seeing infinity curving out of sight. It's not fun when you're big.

On a side note I read somewhere you can't fold a piece of paper more than 8 times. Unless, like some girl proved, you get a special four mile long piece of paper, which can be folded 9 times.

True Story

UPDATE: We ordered Pizza Hut online instead. We are very sad

Cats

Cats think they own your place. And as such will commandeer the key seating in the house. Which explains why I've had to move both cats in under two minutes from the various chairs I was (am) using.

Either that or they're attracted to the warmth as it's K'n cold here.

So not the line eh Optus?

Actually that was the Telstra man. Claimed it had nothing to do with the line and that the line showed as good going into the house even during a drop out. So then it's something in the house. The old splitter box hangs off the 2nd phone so maybe that's it? Can't be the modem - we've had three in the last three weeks. Could be the computer but nothings changed.

So the end result is I will have to call in a nerd favour and ask my IT savvy friend(s) over to help me out of this mess.

I hate, I hate, I hate Peter Optus.

Monday, June 25, 2007

Crikey's Bias Meter - newspapers

From today's Crikey - their bias assessment of major Newspaper columnists. Personally I think the left has too many stars and the right too few but then I am mildly left.

More Optus f_ckedness

Thewife was told a technician will be here at out door at a set time tonight to check out actualy cables and modems etc.

Half an hour on the time expires. She calls up. Woman on other end says 'oh no, no technician. That time was just for us to complete out report and then decide whether to send a technician'.

Thewife had to hold my hand before she told me and talked in low soothing tones, the same way for example you might try and calm a zoo animal before a tooth gets ripped out.

I know whose teeth I'd like to rip out!

Now Optus' latest fable is that 'ADSL2 is being rolled out and this can potentially cause drop outs for users'. Really? Really? Interesting. As Adam Sandler once noted that this is something that could have been brought to my attention YESTERDAY!

Fuckwads. Complete total utter customer service lacking Fuckwads. The only reason we are not pissing them off right this instant is because the ombudman said it will hamper our complaint if we're not still with them when they come to assess it.

Here's Adam Sandler being sad in The Wedding Singer. It says it all.


Sunday, June 24, 2007

Hendo pulls it and pulls hard

Gerard "not a journalist so why the fuck is he on Insiders" Henderson was on Insiders this morning dying in a ditch for the Liberal party.

You should have seen him. The genuine distress he had for Aboriginal Australians and how 'The Prime Minister was compelled to act' and that 'It was a genuine emergency'.

As many have pointed out this "emergency" has been cooking the entire length of the Howard government. Numerous studies and outrages have been made public. Why is this one any different? Why is it if it was a national emergency did Howard not make contact with the NT Chief Minister (who apparently sat by her phone ready to take the call that Howard had promised). Indeed why didn't he appear with all relevant premiers to be lock step with a whole of government approach to assisting Aboriginal wellbeing?

Because it politically was not advantageous to do so. He needs to appear to be the sole man in charge. And as a result he is potentially dooming any meaningful long term assistance for Aboriginal Australians to failure. Once more Howard appears to me to be dicing with the fate of those least able to fend for themselves because it suits him politically to do so.

Like I said, this may be a good thing he's doing. This may actually help Aboriginal Australians. But so far its involved no consultation, no combined effort, and from what I can see no concrete measures to address actual causation of poverty as opposed to banning grog/porn and locking away welfare monies.

Pearson is right in the sense that the child cowering in the corner while the binge drinking goes on outside could stand for paternalism and at the end of the day if they have to be removed from an environment of harm then they should be removed. But if this is just a coat of whitewash over a fundamentally broken house then it does nothing save be short term politically advantageous.

He's had 11+ years to fix it. He's had numerous reports/studies/please for assistance. And now six months out from an election he acts and acts in a way that enables sound bites not sound policy.

Call me a cynic but I am waiting to see what happens.

3300 and counting

Basically I have vomited up my career of the past five years in a word doc of all the stuff I have done then expanded on it (technique stolen from thewife).

I'm up to 3300 words but I am sure it will grow then be trimmed back.

I hate this process. Writing so positively about yourself is a real cringer. Sure I can do all the stuff I say I can do - but like anything I succeed because of others, and teamwork. To say 'me, me, me' and 'I,I,I' feels like I am sledging colleagues by their absence from my 'story'.

Anyway, still doing it. And hating every second. But at least I have a result.

TheWife very kindly is escorting my dad around Canberra (markets, museums), allowing me to stay here and belt out my enhanced self serving employment history as meets the selection criterion.

Oh - interviews. Of the past 20 odd jobs I have applied for in the last 10 years, I have won a total of 3. Not good odds...

Connection still dying. Apparently Optus' technicians don't work Sundays so the 72 hours (yep, again, can you believe it) does not include today. Fucking arse-hats. The moment this fault is corrected it's adios fucking Optus and their fucked up incredibly shit customer service.

Saturday, June 23, 2007

Access Limited - some stuff

Okay connection is working - even though it died once (and no, it's not my computer since nothing has changed on my computer since the old modem died - ergo it's the line or Optus).

My dad's come to visit! Yay! Took us to Thai! Forgot to eat Colofac. Farting like a mofo. Nasty, noxious gut aching farting. The room is stinky already. Boo me.

The aboriginal thing launched by the combo of Crinkle eyes and Brough. Not sure. Yes it's political. Yes it's tinged with racism. Yes it's paternalistic. BUT if it actually does some good then I'd support it. Like anything the proof is in the pudding. But if they deny elders a voice in the process and simply make it cops/robbers without addressing systemic poverty issues then it's doomed to failure. I suppose it depends on what exactly they want out of it. I don't doubt Brough genuinely cares for Aboriginal Australians. I do worry however his 'white man says this way or the highway' approach is going to crash and burn. Crossing fingers on it all. Many claim it's Howard's Tampa 2 - but I think on balance it's not. For the simple sad fact most people don't give a monkey's about Aboriginal Australians.

Doing application for my own job tonight. Yay... I hate job apps. Completely artificial pieces of shit that, at the end of the day, simply indicate the person can A) perhaps write well and B) is somewhat egotistical given the self lies they wrote about themselves. I hate it. I hate interviews and I suck at them. Hopefully many wonderful friends and co-workers can help me out with the application.

Right this is prob going to fall over any second so best save and publish. I'm not being rude by not visiting blogs/responding to emails. Just this )(@*!$)(@$&_!$! account stuff.

Friday, June 22, 2007

A quick one

Optus is shutting down very frequently and is being tested so I can't blog long.

I attended a work function last night. Who was there? The old boss who shafted me so utterly for my last job reference. Had to play nice with her. 'How are you?' between clenched teeth etc.

It was horrible.

But do not fear. I gave her a palm screened flip off.

Thursday, June 21, 2007

Uni Nightmare

I was chatting today at work with this dude from my uni course of last year (he's 10 years younger than me and will be an Assistant Secretary within ten years), whose still going at it now. I asked how his last course went.

'Oh it was good. Except I was the only one in it.'

'Huh?' I said.

Turns out five people enrolled, three by distance, and two by face to face. It was just enough to still run the course. But the other face to face dropped out leaving just him to front the actual live sessions.

So he turned up to full two hour tutes as the only student for the full 14 weeks.

Talk about pressure to do the reading! He said he relied on general knowledge (he's a smart fucker) and one reading a week. Fuck man I used to do four-five when I could just to even begin to understand it.

I hate naturally smart people. Plus he's ridiculously good looking as well. He could easily stand one foot on a rock, jacket slung on one finger David Jones style, and carry the ensemble off.

Me? I'd look like the guy who accidentially walked into shot in the background and had to either be cropped out or photo shop deleted.

Wednesday, June 20, 2007

In fact move along - nothing to see here

Part of me is wondering what the fuck is wrong with me that I just posted the below* blog. To be honest I do not know.

Maybe I just want to share my odd physical quirk with y'all? It's hardly an inspiring power that's for sure.

My other power is my ability is having double jointed little fingers.

*UPDATE: Deleted it. Basically I ripped off my middle toe nail as it had lifted from the nail bed. Naturally I blogged with photos of hand aftermath and toe aftermath. If you really want to I will put it back up. But only by request. Like Black Label Penthouse.

Speaking of crap powers. David O'Doherty!

Drip Along Daffy

One of my all time fave LT's.

It's worth it just for Daffy licking his lips nervously.

Abandoned food in the workplace

Today whilst booting up my lunch in the microwave I noticed that the nice people using the conference room had left some food behind. To whit three shiny muffins. Well not shiny. Shiny in the 'untouched' and 'very edible' and 'fireflyese for good' sense.

I don't mind telling you I had the Daffy Duck tongue lip flick going and considered eating one.

So what's the etiquette? When's it okay to take leftovers? Are leftovers up for grabs? Or is it assumed only for those who arranged their consumption?

When I was doing project analysis last year I was working remote from my normal office in a room on a floor where training happened. The admin support staff would leave out plates of bickies with big labels that basically said 'FUCK OFF - THESE BELONG TO ROOM X'. And, if biscuits were left after their mornos had finished and they had returned to their room I would indeed sneak over and grab some. But I knew I was nicking them - no doubt about it.

Mind you I was half crazed on an Optifast diet at the time.

Anyway. The etiquette. When is it okay to swoop?

Oh - I asked a friend in private industry. She said the rule of thumb was on swooping was acceptable 'the moment they [the eaters] leave the room and anything left behind is open season.'

However I should note that some people may not see it the same way.

Oh here's the website from the above SMH article.

Did you know that if you restart without shutting down Firefox you lose your bookmarks?

I did not know that. I wondered why they kept being killed. Huh! Yet - the history remains.

Still prefer FF over Internet Explorer however...

Optus meet TIO

Well I just suffered three drop outs and thewife had too many to count while she was at home today. So I have finally bitten the bullet and written to the Industry Ombudsman to voice my complaints. Well text my complaints. I don't expect anything to happen as a result of this. But you never know.

Fucking Optus mofo alias using crap service delivery outsourced call centre using fucksticks.

Oh - under 'Names of people I dealt with' I simply said 'insert aliases here'.

Pundits in a word 2

fuckstick

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

Barry Gibb Talk Show—links to all 3 eps

Episode 1 can be found here. It's especially awesome because Timberlake pisses himself and has to hide his face when he laughs.

The second Ep can be found here

The third one can be found here

For the past few days the theme song has been in my head. I've been singing it in the shower. Also, occasionally, I've been saying 'You can't talk to me like that - I'm Barry effing Gibb' and doing a karate move.

Pure SNL gold.

UPDATE: It's 2016. SNL have them all up on their YouTube channel.

When I get this f_rty...

... I wish I could stick a spigot in my guts, turn it, and let it all whoosh out. Or even light it like when Patrick Swayze did in Point Break with the petrol pump nozzle.

So, so sore. So, so smelly.

(Why? Well had a cafe lunch. Again with the fartage! I think it's their chip/wedges)

Fan Mail ?!

Yes once more I am feeding the Hilton Blog Monster and assisting in her dominance of popular culture by even mentioning her.

Maybe we'd be rid of her if we didn't give her attention like Paula Anka says in the Simpsons?

'Just don't look, just don't look' etc.

Anyway. Hilton. According to the SMH Hilton is now adjusting to the big house and, typically, like other rich people is using it as a time not of avoiding anal rape in the showers but to reflect on their life path. Part of this reflection is apparently her responding to fan mail.

Yes, fan mail.

What the fuck is she getting fan mail for? Seriously? What has she done?

'Dear Paris. I really like how you tilt your head'

'Dear Paris, I no longer wear undies thanks to you'

'Dear Paris I too use beer as a vaginal douche courtesy of your bold open, insert, twist manuever'

I don't get it. Fan mail. I know prisoners, especially nortorious types are always getting fan mail. Hell Chopper Reed allegedly married one such pen pal, had a baby with her, then fucked off with an old flame.

But Hilton? She didn't do anything except strut the world's stage for no purpose behind the fame that she has. She does nothing. Does not advance the human condition. Yet apparently ... she's a role model.

On a side note I saw K-Mart has Bratz themed Vanities for young girls.

They should be labelled 'DIY Slutty'.


That is all.

Monday, June 18, 2007

Sexy jewel thief knows a lot about pain relief but little about crime

Has anyone else caught the latest Nurofen ad where the athletic/nimble jewel thief hottie cavorts around the completely visible laser beam alarm system ala Entrapment style (with the same upward thrusting/presenting butt pose as Catherine Zeta Jones) only to twinge with some nasty back pain?

Left: Completely unoriginal butt pose.

You can find the ad and a congratulatory account of those who made it
here.

As a nerd who plays Roleplaying games, I'm sure I am not the only gamer who likes to - I don't know - try and inject a modicum of realism into their gaming.

For example if playing a thief in a modern game most seasoned gamers would make sure not to be retarded about their in game thieving and make really basic errors of crime.

Leaving your long blonde hair out so big strands could snag and/or fall off and leave evidence of your being present at a crime scene would be dealt with by some sort of hat or hairnet.

In an area where cameras would likely be recording say crimes in progress our characters would likely also wear some sort of a mask.

Left: Hatless, Maskless

And if for example if we were breaking into a fancy alarm ridden place, and had to touch things, lift things, and otherwise manipulate the environment, and didn't want to get caught afterwards, we would be presumably wearing gloves to prevent our leaving fucking finger prints at the scene of the crime.





Nice one Nurofen.

Church announces new sponsorship deal
























With thanks to Sarah.

Damn it why do all my good bosses leave me?

Is it hygiene related? I know if I don't douse the arm pits the wife lets me know? Is it the IBS driven fartage that occasionally stinks out the work station region? Is it crap work ability?

My boss told me today she won a promotion elsewhere. She'll be gone by the time interviews for my job come up. The flipside is she will help with my application. But the main downside as far as the promotion prospects go is she's not on the panel (though that only goes so far in the public service as you have to be completely above board - esp with someone you like).

That's three awesome bosses now in three years that have left me within six months of becoming my boss.

Anyway I wish her luck. She's one of those bosses that really drives your performance forward. And I admit I needed a rocket cause I was getting a tad slack.

What's the deal with the backfire twosie?

I did a twosie at work today - having long since gotten over my using toilet stalls at work (and the stalls on my floor) given my condition.

But. It was like a car back firing. There was this loud ringing 'BANG' from my arse and next thing I know it looked like when a really large insect splats on your windshield. Only lots bigger. Missed the water completely.

It was most shocking. I flushed but not all of it went away. Also some went above the rim.

Look if my work included toilet brushes in the cubicle I would have cleaned it off. But they don't. Ergo not my problem.

Area man prints Colly Wobbles and gets harped at by theWife


I had to test the printer okay? It was the closest thing to hand. Though for some reason the printer is in imperial measurement and it chopped Howard's neck off. Hmmm. Maybe it's channeling me?

Today gives birth to another new acronym

First there was PAG. Now a new set of P laced initials has sprung to life, courtesy of the brain of Miss Cassmalo.

Whilst debating the merits of someone we know in the workplace, I happened to describe said person as an 'Axe Wound'. Cassmalo added 'Procreating.'

So there we have it. PAW - Procreating Axe Wound.

A complete and utter one.

Colly Wobbles

I heard Howard on the radio this morning spruiking is 'Holy Christ, I have to catch up with all the ALP's policies!' Broadband plan. You know, the wireless one that 90% of us can access (allegedly)?

He actually claimed the ALP had 'Cobbled together their plan'.


Cobbled together ... hmmm ... what does that remind me of?

Ah that's it! Howard's 10 Billion Dollar Water plan that he never took to either cabinet, or as it later turned out, the fucking treasury department.


I think it's time we added a new Pot hat to the Howard hat collection.

How embarrassment

In blogland it's easy to correct mistakes. Hell I correct typos from months ago if I see them (and can). Deleting entire posts where you were wrong is likewise readily possible. And indeed on occasion I have deleted entire posts.

But not this time.

I went to Dick Smith all special like to complain about the USB cable advice they had given me (re wrong cable). Except I was the one who was wrong. Indeed there is a rectangle on the front. But that's for the Camera. The square plug is in the back. I did not see it.

So my rant and railing Vs Dick Smith was not deserved. And I feel like a twat.

That is all.

Sunday, June 17, 2007

Onion Goodness

So wrong, wrong, wrong. But hilarious.

Area Man ruins encounter with too humourous a move

Tarquin Dethbender, noted nerd complete with pocket protector and thumb drive on lanyard, who also suffers from a speech impediment, today ruined yet another sexual encounter when asked to "turn out the light".

'He had just gotten her to take off her bra and presumably head down the path to full intercourse mode when she asked for the light to be turned off,' said an incredulous online friend during their break from a World of Warcraft raid featuring 40 players. 'So instead of reaching for the light switch like any normal human would do he did something incredibly stupid.'

Tarquin had apparently humourously elected to pretend the girl's left nipple, which had begun to harden with arousal, was the light switch in question. Which he then proceeded to flick upward whilst saying "thsproing" in a loud jocular manner.

'At that point contact was ended and Tarquin was asked to leave,' said the friend.

Mr Dethbender was unavailable for comment.

Talking it up ... on the Barry Gibb Talk Show

"I once gave a heart attack to a kangaroo just by staring at it"

SNL goodness from Jimmy Fallon.

I bring it on myself

I'm like that guy in Scrubs who couldn't stop eating meat even though it gave him intestinal bleeding.

Yes, I went back to Dick Smith today. I upgraded my previously shitty printer (also from Dick Smith) to a shiny new printer scanner combo. Because since it came with cartridges I needed for the shitty one anyone, it was like just $80.

It says on the box that a USB cable is required. I figure the old one from the old printer would do.

So I ask the Dick Smith dude. 'Will a square to rectangle USB cable work on this?'

'Yes,' he says. 'Yes it will.'

Here's the irony. He was an Indian dude with a really thick accent.

I get home. It's the straight USB to USB port. And right now I simply cannot be fucked driving into town again to purchase yet another cable because once more Dick Smith fucked me over. The set up of the printer will have to wait another day.

And I only have myself to blame for shopping there.

PS The broadband connection dropped out again and I had to reboot. But it's been up for 32 hours so I am not worrying about it just yet. But if it fails again tonight ... TIO here I come.

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Where HM begs for a real name

In one of my many conversations with Indian based tech support staff I got the shits with the fake anglo name thing. "Jason" told me his name and I couldn't help it. I said "Listen mate, what's your real name. You don't have to use your fake anglo name with me. What do other people call you?"

"Um," he said. "Er ... Chris."

Nice one "Chris".

Friday, June 15, 2007

Web Finds

MBB's Dr Ninja page find reminded me of this awesome goodness.

I remember the Bevester and I found it and just pissed ourselves laughing. Here's a snatch of it.

Ninjas can kill anyone they want! Ninjas cut off heads ALL the time and don't even think twice about it. These guys are so crazy and awesome that they flip out ALL the time. I heard that there was this ninja who was eating at a diner. And when some dude dropped a spoon the ninja killed the whole town. My friend Mark said that he saw a ninja totally uppercut some kid just because the kid opened a window.

And that's what I call REAL Ultimate Power!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you don't believe that ninjas have REAL Ultimate Power you better get a life right now or they will chop your head off!!! It's an easy choice, if you ask me.

Ninjas are sooooooooooo sweet that I want to crap my pants. I can't believe it sometimes, but I feel it inside my heart. These guys are totally awesome and that's a fact. Ninjas are fast, smooth, cool, strong, powerful, and sweet. I can't wait to start yoga next year. I love ninjas with all of my body (including my pee pee).

Did you know?

That according to today's Crikey Keeping Mr and Mrs Howard happy on the harbourside is reported to cost the Australian taxpayer $18.4 million above what might be spent if The Lodge was the principal prime ministerial residence.

Their choosing Kirribilli over the Lodge cost us 18.4 million dollars. Originally it was alleged because 'their kids are in school'. Fuck that. We force Defence families to move every couple of years and expect them to go with their partners, or, if they are finishing school I believe Defence helps the service person to go by themsleves to minimise disruption. They still have to go for their work. Why should Howard be any different?

Let's put this in context. As Prime Minister Howard get about 400k a year. So in the last 11 years we've given him around four million or so. Because he chose Kirribilli over the lodge we shelled out 450%+ additional on his salary in that time to enable him to stay in Sydney.

The Libs are big on using private industry where ever possible. 'If it's in the yellow pages government shouldn't do it' etc.

A former Chairman of Coles went to jail for spending company money on doing up his house.

So how about it Howard? Where the fuck is your precious ministerial code where you're willing for us to spend 18 million dollars keeping you in the style to which you're accustomed?

As far as I am concerned that's another 18 million reasons to boot his arse to the curb.

Karma

Whilst lining up at Dick Smith to exchange my modem for a third (3rd) time, this old dude fully cut me off. I was so keyed up at all the fucked stuff that had happened RE this past week that I just started laughing at said old dude who had fully walked in front of me to get service.

I had to wait another three minutes. Then another DS clerk came to the desk and there was a woman waiting at it to exchange something. She'd been standing there just after me. She said 'he was next' and pointed my way.

Man earned bad Karma. She earned good Karma.

I thanked her on the way out and she shrugged and said 'not an issue, you were next'.

It's nice to see there are still some good people in the world.

Oh I believe in Karma in the sense that if you fuck people over constantly eventually you will fuck the wrong person over and you will get some back.

It was the other three, not me

With thanks to Rick from the Young Ones.

Well I have no idea if my threatening Optus got a result, but "Sam" did say they didn't want to lose us. And well they wouldn't since we pay then $75+ a month for our connection.

So here's the story now. Having exchanged my Dick Smith supplied 'does not compute' modem for one that according to Optus does, I reconnected to the net with a DSL-200 D-link. Hooray! Many hats in the air on that one. Giddy I was. Giddy at the thought it was sorted.

Two hours later the top-row-of-the-keyboard dropped out again. For about the 12th time I contacted Optus and got "Sam". Fortunately the 2nd job I logged with Optus was still active and the '72 hours' had expired. So "Sam" contacted the techs. They had allegedly got onto Telstra and would find out what was happening. "Sam" promised to call back and tell me the good oil.

So, here it is. Apparently a big storm hit Canberra over a week ago and damaged the exchange. The boards I connected into had been suffering power fluctuations. When it dropped too low it would drop the connection. Oh not enough that the LEDS on my modem(s) would die, but enough to make the connection unconnectable. It would also mean my modem would go into sleep mode and the only thing that would wake it up would be a complete reboot of my machine.

So it wasn't Optus. It wasn't (allegedly) Dick Smith since the 502T according to Mr Smirky the staffer 'would work great / Optus don't know what they are talking about'. It was Telstra.

I have written back to Optus with my precis of what I understood the error to be according to "Sam". Since Telstra have told Optus the fault will be fixed within 24 hours I will give them until Sunday afternoon. Then, if it's still happening, I will go the full TIO.

And when my Optus account gets near the end of the next period I will switch to a different ISP.

Optus were shit during this ("It's you, not us"). As were Dick Smith ("Yeah, it fully works mate, it's fully supported"). And so were Telstra ("Mysterious power fluctuations").

Suffice to say I am pissed off. Pissed off they labelled the original job last Sunday as "completed" when actually it was a real exchange fault with Telstra. Pissed off they didn't replace my original modem. Pissed off Dick Smith sold me two modems that were fucked (broken disk, fucked splitter box). Pissed off that Telstra's downsizing of the last 'ever since the coalition was in' years has meant less technicians to do things like make the fucking phones work.

Wait a second! That's who to blame! John Howard! Howard sold off Teltra and they arsed the number of techs as a result of fitting a commercial profit system as opposed to the long term service delivery that I am entitled to under the fucking constitution.

So there we have it. Yet another reason to vote against the Liberals.

PS Muchos thanks for the support / suggestions RE ISPs, TIOs etc.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

New from the Franklin Mint

Ready to f_cking lose it

Day whatever of my shitty connection. I call Optus again. Because this time drop outs are accompanied by a tart little message about 'A TCP/IP error occured while connecting to server' which requires me to reboot the machine and this may be enough info to fix it over the phone.

I figured whichever Indian person is staffing the help desk tonight might actually help me deal with the drop out issues so I spent 30 minutes waiting to talk to one of them. I got "Jenny" (seriously Optus - news flash - don't give fake names for people who clearly are not a Jenny. I don't care if it's some hard to pronounce name - also ditch the fucking happy happy yay yay ads I hear over and over again as I wait because it makes me more likely to go postal).

"Jenny" had a chat with me then told me the modem Dick Smith swore on a stack of Temptin's was kosher with the system, was not supported by Optus because it was a Router in addition to a modem. Considering Optus would not replace the modem that died I was forced into the arms of the biggest Dick in e-Oz, who then handed me this 502T and said 'yep, it's all good'. Apparently it's not all good. Apparently because I have to reboot instead of turn the modem off and on it means that the problem dear HM lies with me. As in this fucking piece of shitty shit Dick Smith foisted on me claiming it was Optus approved when it clearly the fuck was not.

So now HM has to return the fucking modem - again - and go to Optus and say 'fuck you, give me a new modem that you support'. Then, chances are, that won't fucking work either.

What particularly shits me about Optus is how I clearly indicated the model type in my emailed tech support request and not once did they say 'um not supported by us mate'. You think, you think that would have happened. But no.

Fucking optus and dick smith mofos. Right. I get new modem tomorrow - from Optus - then if that doesn't work I am going to TIO.

So, so mad. And to top it off while searching for these kind of errors with these kind of modems I found a blog written by the Dick Smith Civic guy where he complains about this moron who came into his shop and when the fucking disk that said 'play me' Alice in Wonderland style didn't work bought it in to return it - when clearly he should have followed the not very complex instructions buried in the CD manual.

Because that's what I know to do. Dickhead. Shout out is officially recinded. They now join the Belconnen store as part of my Franklin Mint Limited edition Mofo plate collection.

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

Time on Terror - Loose Lips by Amanda Ripley

This is an excellent Time snapshot on the dangers of the so called "War of Terror" when it is hyped up beyond what it is. Terrorism is a threat, there's no doubt. But the fucktards - mostly on the right it seems - that wank on about it until they are raw red actually does damage to the actual efforts in curbing violent extremism.



Loose Lips

The men charged on June 1 with plotting to blow up New York City's John F. Kennedy Airport hoped to outdo the attacks of 9/11, according to the complaint filed against them. "Anytime you hit [a] Kennedy, it is the most hurtful thing to the United States," one suspect allegedly told an informant. But the men were amateurs, and the worst their plans might have achieved was not an apocalypse but a fire in a remote part of the airport. Thankfully, authorities foiled the plot before it could get smarter.

Yet when U.S. Attorney Roslynn Mauskopf announced the bust, she deployed code-red verbiage: "Had the plot been carried out, it could have resulted in unfathomable damage, deaths and destruction." It was "chilling." The devastation could have been "unthinkable."

This is how prosecutors talk, in fluent hyperbole. In their mind, the trial has already begun, and a press conference is an early chance to sway potential jurors and raise their own profile. But it's also how candidates for President talk: 9/11 Mayor Rudy Giuliani cited the J.F.K. plot as evidence that Democrats can't be trusted to keep us safe. "The Democrats want to put us in reverse to the 1990s," charged Giuliani (a former prosecutor, not coincidentally). "It's not a bumper sticker. It is a real war."

From there, the exaggerations seep into popular discourse. Reporters reinforce the rhetoric. In a question to candidates at a Democratic debate on June 3, CNN's Wolf Blitzer cited the recent arrests: "This alleged plot at J.F.K....could have done, supposedly, horrendous damage and caused an incredible number of casualties."

The problem with bombast is that it comes at a cost. The struggle against violent Islamic extremism is not a show trial. It's a long fight that requires discipline. We must balance fear with reason and weigh probability, not just possibility.

Americans have learned to sense when terrorism is being exploited for personal gain. And each time it happens, the public loses a little bit of faith. We might even begin to think that the threat is not very serious after all. That too would be a mistake. That kind of distrust and complacency would indeed be something to fear.

Taken from here.

Are the Liberals retarded?

I just caught a bit of Howard/Costello waving a "leaked" operational memo from the ACTU saying how they are targeting the government in marginals to exhort people not to vote for them and claiming it was some sort of "dirty tricks" manual and how shocked they were the unions were actively campaigning against them.

So I have to ask if they are retarded? Seriously? Are they? It's the only thing that makes sense. You'd think the fucking ads the unions have been running against the government would be the first clue. And you think the fact WorkChoices is designed to fuck unions into obscurity and take away the rights of us to collectively bargain would encourage the unions to target the government in marginals. Indeed it would have been equally retarded if they have not.

The unions worked out that in the last election 40% of their members voted for Howard. A government mind you that had NOT broadcast what it was going to do to the workplace. The unions are now reminding members in marginal electorates what Howard et al did to the unions and union members and the right to collectively bargain. Which in those marginals will make all the difference. They are not asking people to vote for Labor - they are asking people to vote for anyone but the Libs. Sure Labor will be more friendly to workers - again you'd have to be retarded not to think so. But to kick up a song and dance and jibber and froth in parliament in faux outrage that the union movement has marginal government members in its sights as a return fuck you for trying to cripple the movement is an exercise of pure theatre and nothing more.

Yes the unions are coming for you fuckers. Because you fucked on them. See how it works? Why don't you run off and cry at the Chamber of Commerce. After-all they wrote large untouched slabs of Workchoices for you. I'm sure they'd be happy to help.

Fuckwads.

Talisman take 2 - where HM and theWife play 2 characters each

TheWife had The Swordsman and the Prophetess. I had the Sorceress and the Assassin. The Swordsman killed the Sorceress in the city streets, then the Assassin killed the Swordsman in the Plain of Peril. In the end it became a toe to toe fight between the Prophetess and Assassin in the crown square and we got down to one life each. Thanks to a strength stripping spell used a few rounds earlier ... the assassin won!

The Prophetess is a stupidly overpowered character card and henceforth shall be banned. Take two adventure cards and choose which one to play and always have a spell. Honestly, what were they thinking?

Oh the other day while I was in Logical Choice (now Mind Games) I asked the resident Nerd manning the upstairs Nerd ++ counter whether the RPG publishing adage of 'put a half naked elf chick on the cover and it will sell' was true.

He said yes and pointed to a supplement whose sales were more than healthy thanks to the pic.

Gold.

UPDATE I suggested a house rule where all followers add either +1 Craft or +1 Str depending on how macho they seemed (ie if all mysticy then Craft; if more furry undies and giant compensation weapons then Strength). So tonight I leafed out all the Followers and, using sticky labels, stuck +1 Craft or +1 Str on them. At one point my tongue was poking out with concentration. Occasionally I walk past the Warcraft shops - whatever they are called - and inwardly snigger at the gaggle of puffy girless boys in there painting their minatures under the watchful eye of a creepily red T-Shirt wearing store clerk. Tonight I became like them.

F_cking Optus Take 2

Tired of waiting around for what was happening RE my connection today I finally gave them a call.

Apparently after talking to the fuckwit I spoke to on Sunday the technicians declared my job "fixed" and noted they tried to contact me to tell me.

Yeah ... because I don't have voicemail.

Fucking optus mother fuckers and their shitty outsourced complete lack of customer service arse-hats.

I now have a new job logged and Optus have another three days to get back to me. I was going to go see my crippled mother. Now I have to wait around for these retards to contact me.

Once this issue is resolved then adios Optus. I'm puttin' on my investigating shoes and finding me an ISP whose tech support is Australia based and whose customer service doesn't involve someone in a different country trying to placate me with platitudes.

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

A shout out to Dick Smith in Civic

As you punters know I had a run in with Dick Smith - well the mofos that staff the shops of the same name. Belconnen in this case.

I took my dodgy ADSL modem 2 in to the Civic store recently and told them of my unhappiness at the service from the Belco store and demanded money back. Upon explaining my problem the staffer took the time to load the CD into a laptop and test it for himself. Turns out the CD fell over for him too. So it seems HM was not screwed by bad advice from DS but rather a shitty product (the crap disk). I got a brand new modem and tried it and it semi works. Semi-works minus the splitter box and the cable straight into the back. And the connection dies frequently and only a reboot brings it back. This however is likely the connection not the modem. So kudos to the staff in the civic store for taking the time to walk me through it and listen/address my concerns.

Still have not heard from fucking Optus. Once the line is all checked and presumably fixed I am going to look at going on to someone else. But not Dodo. Hiring Tara Reid who can't even lock her eyes on the imaginary spot they told her the bird would be does not fill me with confidence. That and the shrieking high pitched dodo voice shits me big time.

How damn good do we have it

Reading stories like this one make you appreciate just how good we have it in the west. How people can treat other people this way and think it appropriate or justified is just beyond me. And how long China will remain Communist given the semi-free market they have embraced remains to be seen.

I think this century we're all going to live in Interesting Times. Which isn't good.

Another prominent yank Vs Gitmo

And no it's not some limp wristed leftie who just wants to hug terrorists like some knuckle dragging fuckwits in righty land think. The same man who warned Bush that if he broke Iraq, he'd own it, Colin Powell.

Speaking on MSNBC's Meet the Press program on Sunday, Colin Powell said it was time to move all inmates from the military prison in Cuba into the US justice system.


"We have shaken the belief the world had in the American justice system by keeping a place like Guantanamo open," Mr Powell said.

" It's caused far more damage than anything we get from it."


If was up to him, he would close Guantanamo "not tomorrow but this afternoon", he said. The prisoners should be returned to the US and placed within the normal federal legal system.


t's a real shame Powell didn't speak up on this when the Gitmo monster reared its head, but at least he's saying stuff now. He's still smarting on presenting that shit intel as fact in the UN like a really crap attempt to be like Adlai Stevenson. Only unlike Stevenson, who had big fuck off hard to deny photos, Powell's effort of 'er we think this is a chemical weapon truck' kind of backfired.


Anyway, kudos Powell for saying something. Pity it won't make a lick of difference. The only way the war in Iraq, Gitmo, and all the other shit the yanks have cooking will properly be sorted out is in a new administration not headed by a Republican (unless it's McCain).

Pundits in a word - Gerard Henderson

Twat

Review in a word - Spiderman 3

Long

Monday, June 11, 2007

One for the firefly fans

According to the wiki on the recent space shuttle mission to the International Space Station, one of the astronauts bought up Serenity and the boxed set of Firefly for the station's movie library.

How trippy would that be, being 350 kays up in space watching DVDs about being in Space? Especially watching Out of Gas.

Anyway, Firefly. If you haven't seen it, then do. It rawks.

Just the funnest damn boardgame ever

I have many fond memories of playing Talisman. A fantasy board game, players have characters (that loosely fit archetypes from fantasy literature) and wander around the board twatting things, encountering stuff, events, strangers, gaining followers etc and basically arm on up for a sortie at the Inner Region to gain the Crown of Command and kill the other player characters with it.

Awesome fun.

Through complete luck I managed to get a second hand copy with two expansions. TheWife and I cracked it open today and played a couple of games (one all so far).

At the risk of telling a Rimmer-esq "It got me in to Irkutsk" story, TheWife was at the Warlock's cave and had to roll a d6 for a quest in order to get a Talisman. Except she already had one. She rolled a 'deliver a magic object' quest. So she handed over her Talisman and received ... a Talisman!

I had this mental image of a cackling warlock shrieking as he received the mighty amulet ... then simply handing it back with a shrug.

Yeah, I know, you had to be there.

When a junior nerdlinger in high school and uni mark 1, us nerdy lads in our social circle would play it fairly regularly. I don't recall ever winning. I think it had something to with the fact I would play characters that would fuck over the other players. I can recall often playing the merchant who, if he landed on another character, could simply hand over a bag of gold and buy whatever object the other character had. So naturally I would do this and eventually the other players would gang up on me.

As a gamer I often play annoying characters. I wonder why that is?

Sunday, June 10, 2007

Hilton praying ... to who?!

Apparently Paris is somewhat distraught for having to go back into the pokey.

The socialite and hotel heiress was ordered back to jail on Friday after a judge overruled a sheriff's decision to place her under house arrest for psychological problems after she had spent three days of an expected three-week term behind bars.

The 26-year-old "has been crying a lot, praying" and is "extremely withdrawn", TMZ reported, citing law enforcement sources.

Who the fuck is she praying to? Louis Vitton? Versace? Makers of tiny bags free with a tiny animal? Certainly not Jesus. I mean she's everything he stood up against. Well, the vapid useless rich who do nothing for society—save feed off it like a bloated tick that is.

The Terror Factory

Terrorism unfortunately has become a prime focus of life in the west. It's been with us as long as civilisation has but, in the absence of a Cold War, it becomes a new place for people to hang their hats. Likewise unfortunately it has also meant that over reactions or stupidity by some in the west has made the problem far worse.

Read this article on it.

The article also points out how some governments or political parties using terror to their immediate political benefit, such as the coalition here, actually encourages terrorism. It's a der but I think it needs to be pointed out nonetheless.

Here's an excerpt.

Hugh White, a professor of strategic and defence studies at the Australian National University, notes that the famous counterterrorism fridge magnet issued to households by the Federal Government urged citizens to "protect our way of life" by keeping a look out for suspicious activity.

The Defence Minister, Brendan Nelson, famously said earlier this year that Islamist terrorism posed a threat to Australia "which is no less a risk to our culture, our values, our freedoms and way of life than was presented to us in 1942" when diggers repelled the Japanese advance on the Kokoda Trail.

"There are some things that are so fundamentally wrong that you don't know where to start," White says. "And these comments that al-Qaeda represents an existential threat is one of them.

"Bush has said it, Howard says it, so do Alexander Downer and Brendan Nelson. Tony Blair is the high priest of this kind of stuff. The remarkable thing is it largely goes unchallenged.

"There's no doubt that terrorism is a very serious challenge and should be taken seriously, but it's not a threat to our way of lives or values."

Perversely, White argues, bin Laden and the leaders of the coalition of the willing are, in important respects, saying the same thing.

"If you think about some would-be jihadist in London, not only is Osama telling them they can change the world if they blow themselves up on a bus, but Bush, Blair and Howard are too.

"In reality, the London bombings killed innocent civilians and stopped traffic for five hours. It's a terrible tragedy for those involved. But there's no threat to the fabric of our society.

"The way the leaders describe the threats encourages people to become terrorists."

Not even a radiological bomb would change our values, White argues.

Certainly, as the Iraq War has worsened, the talk about threats to Western values has increased.

"People start talking about fighting to preserve our values when it's become clear that the wars we have become entangled in are no longer serving our interests," White says.

It's not just the words of politicians but their deeds. The short-lived policy of pre-emption that led to the Iraq disaster is the leading example.

F_cking Optus

It's now day 5 of my shitty access. I logged a job with Optus mid last week then, when the tech called up foolishly, completely and utterly foolishly said 'it seems to be working. Can I put the job and hold and call if it fails again?' Sure I can. So it did fail and I tried restarting the job on Friday. Now I have to wait another fucking 72 hours. Apparently I will get a fucking call tomorrow. When I call them up to say 'I have a new modem and it only works with the cable straight into the modem so it's a line fault' and ask them to record that information against that job the fucked in the head tanshoot on the other end gives me the fucking run around about 'oh no, we can't record that - you have to tell the technician.'

I'M TELLING YOU YOU FUCKING ARSEHAT. WRITE IT THE FUCK DOWN!

So, so angry. Stupid fucking Optus. That's it, how do I get out of this contract?

And Optus. While I respect the need to keep costs down and I respect the need of workers overseas to staff IT related help desks in India I really, really, really fucking hate dealing with someone who has trouble understanding me. I know it's not PC to say it but why can't I deal with fucking Australians who know what the fuck they are doing instead of twats whose sole purpose is to make me angry with their 72 hours non recording tech update information.

PS Don't restart me on their INCREDIBLY FUCKED FUCKING FUCKED FUCKED VOICE RECOGNITION SYSTEM THAT DIRECTS MY CALL. Which caused me to scream DSL!!!! at the top of my voice when I once again lost it.

Friday, June 08, 2007

Paris Hilton's Get out of Jail Free

I know to blog on this feeds the monster that is Hilton. But fucking hell, why does she get to go home and live the life of tilted head night club opening slatterns and people on similar charges simply go to the prison hospital on a drip?

Apparently she might have to go back in.

Good. Prison isn't fun. And I pity anyone caught in the system. But I hate it when "people" like Hilton think they should get special treatment.

Dick Smith Mofos

Our old modem is dying. We have a job logged with Optus but it's obvious it's to blame.

HM goes to Dick Smith

His first mistake

DS Cockhead: Here you go mate

HM: Um. That says ADSL 2 on it. My old one doesn't have that.

DS Cockhead: It will work on your machine.

HM tries to set up new modem. Fucker demands I check ethernet cable, power supply, then blithley tells me I need a network card for it. TheWife is off work. She goes in.

TheWife: Hi, this modem doesn't work on our machine. I'd like a replacement modem that does work.

Different but equally cockheadish DS person: How about you buy this network card instead? Then it will work.

TheWife: Um okay

HM spends 90 fucking minutes putting card in only to discover that now his USB mouse doesn't work unless he switches ports and the drivers disk can't find the card he just installed. He calls DS who tell him to try turning the PC off at the wall for a couple of minutes and then trying. HM does it - no good. Card is there on the system - it's in the hardware - it's just the drivers disk thinks it is not. Perhaps HM's machine isn't PCI? No that's not it, because you need that for DSL in the first place. HM calls DS and says it doesn't work. DS says to bring it all back. HM cracks open box and removes it.

On the off chance old modem works HM plus it all back in. It's now working.

I hate Dick Smith and all that sail with in her. Fucking arse c/nt fucking mofos and their f/cked sales patter of 'oh .. it will work' fucking bullshit cockfuckers.

Thursday, June 07, 2007

Army Strong?!

I was watching the Daily Show on the net and an ad for Army Strong came up - making the US army sound like ultra mints. "There's strong, then there's Army strong."

I find it ironic that they advertised during 'The Daily Show' considering it's one of the few media orgs constantly holding Bush's feet to the fire on Iraq and has done since day one.

It's a bad, bad ad. And noticeably doesn't feature it's soldiers being taken out by IEDS which, if you get killed in Iraq, has a 70% chance of being the thing that took you out.

I feel for any troops over there. I really do. It's hot, the people don't want them there, and the US army training and orders combined have led to making the problem worse for a number of years. I wish them all the best and that the situation is resolved soon.

This is the same footage as the one I saw but the words are different.

An HM Vent

Our internet connection keeps dropping out. I had to log a job. Hell I even bought a new modem figuring it was that (it wasn't - I need a new network card or somesuch). Anyway, I foolishly put a tech job on hold to check the line (when I thought the problem went away) and had to restart it.

So then I had to call Optus and restart it.

!#)$(&+)(!#$&(_!@$*&_#$*(#$(#$+_~!#$+|(_~++(_+|(___+$@!)(*^!$)(!#$&_(!#$_)! Optus! and their (_^*$!&@+)(#$#^)#$)!$_!%$&_+!$_&($%)(+&!$_!$!$ ing automatic (%^)!$)(&!$&_!$+_&(~!(+$&!+$_$_$!$_+(&!$_ voice system.

I do not want to spend 15 minutes negotiating your )+&(#$)+&(!$&+)$!+&)!$ ed up )$!E@)&!$)&!$+)&(!$+)(&!$!$_ phone system trying to get a ^@$!$&_(+!$&(+_!$!$(_ call centre operator who, even when I get them, does not +)!#$&)+!$)$!!$_ understand what the !#$)!#$!$)!$)* I am saying forcing me to (!#^%#$(!*)(!$_(!$ repeat myself !#*)!$)(!$ +_!+$_!_( several _!$_(&+!$$!_+ times.

And so forth.

Fucking hell I HATE AUTOMATED PHONE SYSTEMS. Does anyone know the cheat code to get a human at Optus without my having to go through _(&@%_(!$_!$+)!$+) menus?!

I especially love the fact that the automated voice system put me through to billing initially then cheerily told me it was closed.

I don't mind saying I screamed how they were all mother fuckers down the phone line.

Voice recognition that mofos.

I do not fucking believe this. The fucking modem just dropped out again.

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

My groat is on the table

Scooter Libby, who has been sent to the big house (white collar federal prison) for 30 months, will get a pardon as Bush leaves office. But not before.

Any counter bets?

But ... why Australia? Why?

Uncle Tony has been beating his manly failed priest chest at the Sydney Institute, home to right wingers telling us how to do it (unless left wing in which case boo, hiss), about how he cannot understand why Ozzers think his mean spirited fuck people over government are on the nose.

See here.

I think the reason why Tony doesn't get it is summed up in the first couple of paras.

By all reasonable standards, Australia has had a good government since 1996. Total household wealth has more than doubled from $2047 billion to $4632 billion. Australia's standard of living (measured in GDP per head) has risen from 13th to eighth in the world. Unemployment has dropped from 8.2 per cent to 4.4 per cent, a 32-year low. Inflation has fallen from 5.2 per cent to 2.5 per cent. Mortgage rates have fallen from 12.75 per cent to 7.17 per cent. Government debt of $96 billion has been transformed into a $5-billion surplus. Of course, the professional Howard haters have maintained their rage. Less predictable is the apparent unhappiness of average voters, as detected by opinion polls.

By all reasonable standards. Let's examine this closely. See how the reasonable standards are all economic. That's right. All economic. Unemployment (on the way down when they took government). Interest rates (ditto), and the government debt of 96 billion they wank on about (despite the fact the government has a 60 billion dollar debt in unfunded Commonwealth super they managed to rack up and fail to tell people about).

Then Tony cries into his huge pillow about how people expect more of their ministers for so little money. Ignore the fact they get buckets of allowances that means they don't have to worry about paying travel costs, and get home away allowances etc (does the PM pay rent, no...).

Does Tony really need more than what he gets paid? If he's so concerned about the low wages for such an awesome responsibility to be as absolutely politically partisan he can with both government and his own portfolio (such as taking away dentist care for poor ozzers and cutting a deal with Harradine on the ability of women to gain non invasive terminations if they need them), then he can fuck off to private industry. He's here by choice. See that Tony? That's the free fucking market that you so love. If you don't like the fact you don't get paid well then fuck off. We will be well rid of you.


The reason why his government is on the nose is simple. The wool has gone from the public's eyes. They know exactly what his government does with information, and especially funding it. And they know what they do with their ideology. Tony begrudgingly wanks on about how Howard '... has always respected public opinion but has often tried to change it rather than just reflect it.' As in done some things that weren't popular. But he fails to mention that his government has spent a big chunk of the 1.7 billion they have spent on government advertisting to change the popularity of what they do in their political favour. Remember the break the GST ads with Joe Cocker and chains? Above and beyond the minimum required to inform the public. His workchoices ads? Yeah - they weren't political at all. Not to mention the terrorism watch campaign which happened to coincide with the invasion of another country.

Finally we have this.


There is no conclusive explanation for the Government's poor run in the opinion polls except, perhaps, that polls send a message to government.

Poor, poor Tony. He should use his free once every two years Medicare eye test and get some fucking glasses because clearly he can't see it. People want more from government than people who shill for big business and cock the economy up so it takes eight years salary instead of six to buy a fucking house. People want more from government than dog whistlers who point at brown people, at people who talk funny or pray funny, or poor people, or drug addicts etc and paint them as somehow lesser and/or evil. People want more from government than a collection of climate change denying cockheads who prevaricate despite the evidence being in and whine about ideology instead of actually recognising that we need to make changes now, not when Howard is off on his tax payer funded mega-retirement.

It's not just the economy stupid. It's also the morality. And as a failed Catholic priest who even managed to use his fathering a child out of wedlock (which turned out not to be his) story for political purposes you'd think he'd be able to see it. What's that Tony? George Pell is calling. I think he needs his ring kissed.

Oh - see Sarah/Gam's post on Abbott too.