Saturday, October 01, 2011

Denied again!

I've been sick with additional sickness of late. It's one of the shittier things about packing delicious body-fail heat in the firm of life-long conditions that you get sick like everyone else with normal everyone else sickness. Which is on top of your business-as-usual-crappy-body fare. And indeed you're more likely to get sick I suspect because you're constantly run down dealing with those life-long conditions.

I had laryngitis. It's better now but I was reduced to a Raistlin-like sibilant whisper at one point. My condition was not only frustrating for me—since I had to keep talking to medical-themed people in the course of getting treatment and it was hard with my hoarse near-silent speech—but frustrating for theBoy ... since he didn't get any story love for about four days.

Anyway, being largely better and back to the normal joy of bad bones and churning guts, I went up to our local shops for the Saturday tradition of open-top Bacon and Egg pies and my SMH. It was then I discovered the bakery was closed ... and indeed was the ATM for the shops ... whose service port is located in said bakery.

Denied!

Still, thanks to my 'what's the positive?' (slash) strengths-based approach in life I simply elected to get some more pastry sheets to make savoury pastries (1) with instead.

As I went into Coles to source them I noticed that the self-service shepherd—the operator whose job is it to help normals navigate the self-service counters that Coles has installed—was a young attractive woman.
Oh how I laughed (2). For it seemed to my jaundiced much-rejected eye that Coles had in fact put on deck a hot girl so as to encourage the girl-liking demographic to head for her many stations instead. It must have worked ... because when I went through the check-out system I simply chose the operator staffed normal check-out that was yet patronized right next door to the fully used self-service stations.

I'm now about to drop a shitload of meds and go visit the dreaded The Purgatory Cart. A device from the bowels of Casso's spindly castle, whose spires dominate the hill above my suburb and in whose walls of nooks and crannies lurk legions of her winged horrors that she can send at whim to cause destruction and mayhem ... and also purchase milk and bread when the latter supplies are low within said castle.

At this point I should apologise to the Earth. For you see the other day I left the radiator on in the shed ... between Cart sessions. Which meant I uselessly heated an outside shed for about 24 hours.

Sorry planet.


(1) Take a sheet of puff pastry. Put on a large dollop of Paul Newman's South-West sauce and spread it around with a fork. Put on small quarter slices of cheese in various strategic locations on the pastry. If you have some sort of meat then slice that up and add (sausage slices works well, as does deli-ham and pepperoni slices). If you like mushrooms add slices. If you have Boccichini oh my God you have to add that! But place your balls in a pattern so when they melt they form an even pooled layer across the middle of your pastry. Then into the oven on 180 centigrade for 25 minutes (put it on a raised tray and use grease-paper so you avoid melted cheese sticking to the tray). If you like your pastry not so bendy when it comes out then maybe 190 for 27 minutes. I recommend leaving it to cool for a bit so it's less sloppy. The savoury pastries are also tremendously delish when cold. It's funny that it seems in households of the traditional man plus lady that said lady ends up default style as the main food preparer. But said man knows like four or five "dishes" he can cook with reasonable confidence and so if so charged to do so will default back to those. This is of course based on only a limited sample of experience.
(2) Because I was laughing she smiled and said 'Good morning, sir!' in her bright attractive young perfectly formed way. Damn the youth! Damn them all to heck ... and their music.

4 comments:

  1. Oooh! A recipe for your tasty pastry thingies! :)

    Also, I like the idea of minions I can send out to wreak havoc and buy groceries. I wish it were true!

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  2. I bet they'd never give you the correct change, however.

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  3. Almost certainly... :S

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  4. Or they'd claim there "wasn't any".

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