Wednesday, October 19, 2011

It was a bad three-way

I am not blessed with an attractive visage. I'm not. Perhaps maybe pre-puberty I was considered a cute little bundle of energy. But now ... a vague ugly bundle of sometime energy that's usually misdirected.

Crippling body image aside the reason why I bring it up is to exclude this post from any sexual intent. Because it was and is never going to happen.

Anyway, last night, there was a three-way. It was between Microsoft Outlook, my Windows Update screen, and the Microsoft 600 Wired Keyboard. And I was left watching; a passive useless observer.

Frightened silly by the amount of work I have to do, and knowing I would likely be doing much of it from home, I had a bit of a dismember-a-corpse-goods-purchase run from Officeworks (1). I bought a wide-screen monitor so I could see what I was doing when working at home (lots of spreadsheet type work), two packs off bulldog clips (because I couldn't wait for in-work-stationary purchasing to provide them in time), and a replacement keyboard.

It was the keyboard wot done it.

Keyboards are supposed to be plug and play. They don't even come with drivers for fuck's sake. But naturally when I plugged it in up came the windows prompt asking where the drivers were at. It searched my machine for an eternity, didn't find them, then it wouldn't work. With a heavy sigh I plugged in the old keyboard—which used to be the spare one for the laptop (it has a number pad, unlike the laptop keyboard) ... which the computer then couldn't find drivers for.

The end result was I must have rebooted that fucker about a dozen times, with drivers for the keyboard sourced via the laptop for the new keyboard not working, and assorted other bull crap. Then because Outlook didn't shut down properly it spent twenty minutes telling me about how the folders weren't closed properly and that it was taking time to load (I needed it for a URL I could click from an email sent from the laptop to a site that promised to scan your PC and find devices like laptops on it).

So the three-way. The three-way happened when the keyboard (Microsoft) was dead, the personal folders on Outlook were still loading, and there was a fucking update tooling in the background as slow as an old person in a queue at a checkout. And me as the passive observer watching it all not work properly.

ARRRRRGHHH.

With failing electronica my Mad Goat spawner I kind of lost my rag and stomped around the room yelling and waving and cursing probability for inflicting upon my form a series of bull shit episodes that I felt was somewhat undeserved. Thus I full on lapsed into magical thinking where I decide random meaningless shit and a cluster of failed electronics was deliberately aimed at me, Drago-style, to break me.

Then ... when I got up this morning ... one of the updates hadn't worked properly and both internet browsers on the desk top no longer work. I had to leave a large Wordpad message for theWife on the way out of the door explaining the fail.

This all stemmed from the simple act of plugging in a keyboard and expecting it would work right away.

So really, it's my fault, for expecting something to simply work right away without a screaming bunch of fucking bull shit to land on me.

Computers. I love them ... but last night fuck me if I didn't want to punch out my monitor in a full blown rage spit. Which, as discussed previously, is like someone venting at a ventriloquist's dummy.

Oh, to top it off, I have something in my eye and I keep having to flush it.

Hooray! (many balloons, hats in air etc.)

(1) You know in a movie how someone has to dismember a corpse. So they, and their posse if they have one, tool out to a local hardware shop and purchase various items of corpse cutting and disposal—saws, strong bags, rope etc.

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