Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The Teapot gets accessories

The Teapot is a recent addition to our storyverse, my now locked in name for the place where theBoy and I set our free-form stories. It’s a motorised Teapot—with wheels—but also has rocket assist. Or, as theBoy says, ‘it’s half rocket, half car, and half Teapot!’

Tonight the Teapot got accessories.

Longtime readers will know that in storyverse, Humpty and Stumpty, the two main protagonists, live in a tree down by the river. They reside within the tree's trunk about midway up, in a single chamber with small purpose alcoves (such as bed nooks). Below them, at just above ground level, live their mum and dad. Beneath the mum and dad, in a cellar basement, lives Granny Bugbear—a mean cantankerous old biddy that puts me in mind of the old granny character in Giles cartoons (1).

Granny Bugbear has a giant sunken bath in the cellar. It’s like a half-indoor pool that you get in tower hotels. Only it’s occasionally infested with French pirate mice, who sail their proportional galleons against any interlopers seeking a swim. Except, probably, Granny Bugbear … who likely, if she gets close enough, treats a victim ship like a floating Whitman’s sampler.

Tonight the boys were chasing their marmoset called Henry when Henry went down a hole under one of the tree roots. They went after it only to break through the earth and fall into Granny Bugbear’s vast bath holdings below, splashing into warm, lightly frosted with steam, water.

The pirates soon appeared.

‘Allez, ze ‘Obbits,’ they cried. Quickly they started firing their cannons at the lads.

It was then theBoy injected himself into the story.

‘And I rise up with my shotgun and … BEW!’ he cried, blowing one of the vessels out of the water.

The pirates quickly trained their canons on theBoy and they had a shoot out. This was accentuated by a prop, a wet flannel, that theBoy and I threw at each other during bath-time, until it flopped out of my reach and into the depths of the recessed shower bottom.

A job well done, theBoy left Humpty and Stumpty's, having now learned in a story to have his character leave a scene on a high note.

‘And I jump into my Teapot with my gun and I roar away!’ he shouted, following his declaration of intent with rocket noises to indicate he’d kicked in the nitrous assist.

‘Hey, Chooky,’ I said, ‘you need to store your shotgun. How about purpose peg-based shelving behind you? It’s called a gun rack!’

‘Yes,’ said Chooky, ‘I do that.’

So that’s how it happened. How the Teapot got a gun rack ... yes ... a gun rack.

Later, after theBoy had smashed his half rocket half car half Teapot into Grue from Despicable Me’s house, thus trapping his Teapot in the wreckage, theBoy pressed a button.

‘A balloon comes out and I blow it up!’ he yelled, following it with blowing noises and facial action.

Yes, he’d deployed a balloon—I imagine it’s cigar shaped like a Zeppelin—then, when he floated high enough, he kicked in the rocket and zoomed away… (2).

Mmmmm, that's good Humpty and Stumpty.

UPDATE: It's the next night. More were added. An explosive-fired retractable grapple hook, like Megamind's (see 2) ... and a miniature Teapot rocket car that can deploy when the main vehicle conks out (I imagine it drops out its arse). Like he did tonight. Later the deployed tiny Teapot ended up in a river, floating (wheels retracted) towards a waterfall, in pursuit of a swimming away from it Humpty. Not to worry. Just as Humpty went over the edge theBoy deployed the grapple, snagging him by the feet then, just before the Teapot went over as well the balloon was up and the rocket kicked off and into the sunset they went ... with Humpty dangling, head downwards, below...

(1) I’d see anthologies of the comics pop up in garage sales in my home town, and I now own a wedge of them. I loved them, and all comics, as a kid, even though I barely had any proper ones. Later I started hardcore collecting … but gave it up when I had no money. So I have about four boxes in my dad’s roof of a fairly decent run of Marvel titles, and 2000AD. One day I shall bring them back down here and loan them out to my nerdy friends. I doubt they’re worth fuck all. Especially given some of them got wet once and I had to dry them on the bricks around the Kent fireplace (1a).
(1a) One day I will blog about our holidays when we were kids. Or write about them. Because … well … it’s good practice. This is all good practice. Like the time all my books got wet in the tent during a downpour and we'd had to dry them. This included my Little Black Book Traveller books, which had quite thick shiny paper. So the pages warped into a rolling crinkle. Yes, that's right. It looked like I was so excited about making Traveller characters, and I did that a lot!, that I literally jizzed myself... just like when your pathetic collection of stick mags copped some collateral damage and was never quite the same after they had dried. There in lies the danger of the many-mag montage of all your favourite ladies (or lads if so inclined).
(2) Later he ran into Megamind, who was in his giant blue helicopter with the hook, and theBoy bragged he’d flogged Humpty and Stumpy’s cheese. He then mockingly held up a bag of said cheese to show Megamind. Megamind promptly fired off a cable-hook, snagged the bag, and retracted it back into his vehicle then fucked off. Ha!, take that.

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